"ballroom dancing is like this...tiny little grain of sand, if you count the entire country"

watched mad hot ballroom this week.

way back when, torgo disapproved of the movie.

well, i respectfully disagree. i thought it was wonderful, mostly because i'm sick of documentaries or movies that feature the inner city as an awful, terrible place riddled with drugs, violence, and kids who are going nowhere. this movie, in my opinion, really resisted that, and showed a lot of the joy, creativity, intelligence, and resilience kids growing up in urban areas have. it didn't shy away from the realities -- one of my favorite scenes was of two girls sitting in the park on a rock, discussing the kind of boy they would like to date: someone focused on school, not selling drugs, who respects them, just because it shows that they know what's out there, and they want something different for themselves.

the director of the place where i used to work in new jersey, urban promise, used to always say that people hear enough about the terrible things in the inner city, and when he was fundraising, he never wanted to get money out of people by telling them how bad the lives of the kids in camden were, but rather how wonderful the kids were, how they are talented, happy, and unique, how they like to play, how they get excited about learning, and how, given the same opportunities, could be just as (traditionally) successful as the kid in the wealthy suburb just a few miles away.


anyway, soap box finished. besides all that, it was funny -- kids are so funny. some of my favorite parts:

this one girl spouting off about "scientific research" all the time, while swinging her umbrella. "scientific research" told her both that 11 year olds are the prime target for kidnappers (to which her friend hilariously replies "what's a napper?"), and also that "women overall...are the advanced civilization."

one boy saying in front of his friends that he judges girls by their "outer beauty and their inner beauty...mostly their inner beauty," and then his friend looking at him like, "yeah, right. LIAR."

three of the boys from the italian neighborhood waxing philosophical over the foosball table:
*on ballroom dancing: "it's like a sport that...hasn't been invented yet."
*on being 11: "i find hard being eleven is school...you have to learn these new, really hard things, and sometimes teachers don't even understand it...like how, people think, like...marriage, parts of marriage is weird...like gay marriage, how they be talking about it." to which his friend replies, "in the Bible, it ain't say, like it says, it says people can get married. it doesn't say what KIND of people."

one boy from the wealthier school talking about being 11: "you gotta put deodorant, you gotta start washing TWO times a day, you start growing hair in weird places, and you don't change your sheets because you peed."

and i loved watching all of the kids from the winning school cheering on each other -- they were SO happy and excited to be there, they loved watching the "attitude" on the faces of their teammates, it was all so much fun for them...and the teacher and principal watching, so proud.

i thought it was great.

My Heritage

so apparently there's this "my heritage" website which shows you which celebrities you look like. i tried it, and it really just shows you which celebrities are making the same pose as you are in the photo you submit. what the heck that has to do with your heritage, i have no idea.

BUT! i decided, just for fun, to be my own "my heritage." or...whatever. anyway, here are all the celebrities i've been told i look like. what do you think? guess which one i've heard more than once and guess which one i got as a preteen. guess which one i had to go back and google image to figure out what the people were talking about and guess which one i could only be imagining i heard.

maybe it actually won't be that fun. but humor me.

first, there's me:














and then there are my look-a-likes (from l. to r.: amelia earhart, michelle pfieffer, lucy narnia girl, and kiefer sutherland):

Women are supposed to be very calm generally

when i was studying medieval female mystics, we talked a lot about how while they weren't modern day feminists, they worked within their structures to affirm women...and authors like Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte do the same things i think. to finish the quote from Jane Eyre:

"Women are supposed to be very calm generally; but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties and a field for their efforts as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags. It is thoughtless to condemn them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex." Chapter 12

so novels affirming the validity of women's feelings and actions, with a healthy dose of romance...why wouldn't i want to see every adaptation?

we all know that the 1995 A&E version of pride and prejudice with colin firth and jennifer ehle is the definitive version. can you go back after you've seen this?

that's the face of love, people.

but i watched the 1980 version anyway. some interesting character differences between mr. collins (and as many versions as i've seen, mr. collins is ALWAYS really funny), and lady catherine de bourgh, who i actually think was better in this version. she was younger, and had more of the "everytime i open my mouth you must gape in awe at the wonderful things i say." than the BBC version, where she was just kind of an old shrew. i always also feel bad for the women who have to play her daughter because your part is basically: be sickly and pale and painfully shy, all to make elizabeth look hotter and to make viewers wonder why darcy would ever even consider marrying you. i do like that this version features elizabeth prominently on the cover, not darcy, like the 1995 version. since elizabeth is, you know, the main character.

anyway, this version was very BBC-esque, that is, very stage-y, like watching a play. nowhere near the 1995 version. but entertaining.


i just re read jane eyre at the beginning of this school year, and i have to say, i always kind of related to characters like jane, who were headstrong in their own way but also moral in a way that some people might think them week. fanny from mansfield park is like this -- in my jane austen in fiction and film class i was the only one who took up for her. everyone else thought she was a goody two shoes.

the 1983 version of jane eyre was pretty good, although i think that timothy dalton was a bit too dashing for mr. rochester. he and zelah clarke balanced each other, though, she was grave and calm as she should be, and he was emotional and volatile.

jane's hairstyle annoyed me, though, mostly because it was so precarious every time rochester would touch her head (which was a lot once they got feeling all romantical), he would mess it up. i was like "tighter bun, girl! put it in a tighter bun!" you would be able to see this if the main picture was of jane, who is the main character, and not rochester, who was played by a hottie (even though he's not supposed to be handsome).



i have at least 4 more versions of jane eyre in my queue, as well as persuasion (which i've seen, but LOVE and will maybe love more that i am now an old spinster like anne)...are we all SO excited?

various and sundry.

SO!

apparently street sweeping is a tad more important in Boston than in Chicago, where they just give you a ticket. in Boston, they give you a ticket AND they tow you. AWESOME.

also, i now have a definite due date for my thesis: forty pages in 3 weeks! it can happen!

also, i have no cable but blockbuster online, and i enjoy early British women writers and i am a hopeless romantic, and especially like the stories where the two lovebirds don't think the other one loves them, and it comes together in some suitably extravagant fashion, so i have decided to work through the adaptations of jane eyre and the austen books, at least until the office season one is available (blockbuster online says it is a "short wait"). see above.

sound of silence

so i moved into my new apartment...with no internet...hence the posting lag.

i never knew how much lack of internet access would drive me crazy. but it does.

why do people do this to me?

i was going to blog about this movement, the "Godmen," a long time ago, when the chicago tribune wrote an article about it.

i forgot about it, but then good morning america had to go and bring it up to the nation.

apparently jesus is a sissy, and we sing "prom songs to jesus" at church. the leader says "we're not trying to take over (ed. note: weird, i thought men had taken over the church a long time ago.); we love the feminine side (ed note: which apparently is "ferns" instead of "metal" as decorations). we just want a little balance."

i don't even have the energy to deconstruct this, although if i wanted to, there's enough stuff on the website to write a paper to rival my thesis.

see more: the craziness. or don't, because it's that annoying.

in honor of today

today is international women's day.

and so, a favorite poem by a favorite poet:



won't you celebrate with me

won't you celebrate with me
what i have shaped into
a kind of life? i had no model.
born in babylon
both nonwhite and woman
what did i see to be except myself?
i made it up
here on this bridge between
starshine and clay,
my one hand holding tight
my other hand; come celebrate
with me that everyday
something has tried to kill me
and has failed.

--Lucille Clifton

the profound and the petty

so last tuesday i went to my first alumni event for my high school. it was a "dialouge and discourse" with a priest who graduated the year i was born (he wasn't a priest when he graduated, of course), who works at a parish in lawrence, mass and runs a meal center there (check it out: corunummealcenter.org). the story behind it was cool, he and his board (or whoever) dreamed up their ideal meal center for the hungry in lawrence: what it would be like if they could do whatever they wanted. they came up with things like serving prime rib and lobster tails instead of soup and PBJ, having waiters and waitresses so that people weren't sitting in a long line, having a huge beautiful building, seating people at round tables so it felt more like a resturant than the long rectangular institutional seating. and then they did it. they've only been open for a few months, but they raised money, got partnerships with resturants, and are operating out of that ideal.

according to this priest, a big part of operating out of that ideal is affirming the dignity of the poor...just because people are hungry doesn't mean they don't deserve the best. it reminded me of a book i read, The Amnesty of Grace, by Elsa Tamez. it was for my justice and justification class, and one phrase has profoundly affected me...Tamez defines justification and justice as "the affirmation of life". what does it mean to affirm the lives of those who have much less than i do? is it just by throwing money their way? or is it affording them the same dignity i would anyone else? it's the latter of course, but that's also the harder, more time consuming, more sacrificial (and i don't mean just monetarily or materialistically -- it's hard sometimes to admit that all of our stuff and education and learned skills doesn't make us better people than someone who has none of that) action. my volunteer time at sarah's circle in chicago was so meaningful to me because it taught me how to affirm life, it forced me away from typical soup kitchen volunteering and out into relationships with the women at the center...serving up dinner and cleaning the kitchen was much easier than sitting down and conversing with the women, listening to their stories and telling them my own. but sitting across from them, women who others might scurry away from on the streets, women with greasy hair or missing teeth or dirty clothes, it was a way to affirm their lives, to say, no matter what anyone says, you're worth listening to, and for them to do the same for me. of course, i haven't created the same opportunities for me to do that here...as with everything, it's an ongoing process...


and in the petty: aj and leslie, both gone from american idol! american public, what have you done??!?

LOST: why i watch american idol

now that i'm back in boston and not watching LOST with my super LOST posse in chicago, i'm losing patience a lot faster than before. in fact, i might just hate LOST.

(here be spoilers. and lots of pent up rage)

why are we focusing on jack and his stupid tattoo that no one cares about? AND, why did kate and sawyer stop asking karl questions (they were on a roll, and then nothing...how about "what makes life with the others so much "better"? it kind of sucked for you, didn't it karl? why were you in that creepy room? why do you people live in one place and work in the other? how did you get here? who are your parents?" i mean, COME ON, kate, sawyer, he's right there, and you just saved his life, MILK IT FOR ALL ITS WORTH!)? AND, why did cindy look all shocked that jack was pissed and yelling at her? HELLO, cindy, jack's in a CAGE and you're being vague, why WOULDN'T he yell at you? I'M yelling at you! and i'm not in a cage, and i haven't been tortured (unless you count the torture of this show), and beaten up and only given grilled cheese to eat. AND, why do they keep bringing up new people, like this sheriff lady, when we haven't seen sayid or jin in weeks and locke and sun only barely? AND, i thought they were supposed to answer mysteries last night! i DON'T CARE why jack has tattoos and what they say (because, as he told the sheriff, she knows what it says, but that's not what it "means"). because even when you tell us, it brings up more questions (like, why did he get beat up by the people on the island, and what does it "mean"). so you're introducing more stupid mysteries and you don't even explain the OTHER mysteries that we've had for longer and care more about, like telling us why the stupid others take certain people and kids and hold executions and why the island killed eko and when charlie is dying and what happened to michael and walt and vincent and danielle! AND if i hear one more time that this will be worth it and the story about the others needed telling and just wait i swear i am going to hunt down whoever is in charge of this and grabuioshtiorsbxjobgosl! GAH.

whew! glad i got that out.

but i did like the kate and sawyer bit -- i felt bad for sawyer.

swap and sing: something for everyone.

OK, all you readers, check this out:

paperbackswap.com

you post 9 books and they give you 3 credits. for every credit, you get to search their database and find a book you want. you order it, and then it comes! for free! all you have to do is pay for shipping for the books of yours that someone wants. and then, for every book you send, you get ANOTHER credit. for another book!

now that i write it out, it sounds kind of like a library. but you can keep the books! and someone gets a book you don't want! i got rid of a random biography of Handel that i found, and some art book that someone got me for christmas, and i ordered "faith seeking understanding" -- a great theology book that i used last semester but didn't buy, and "autobiography of an ex-colored man" which someone just told me was a fascinating read.

so now i've gotten two books, and mailed two books, so i have three credits. any recommendations?

in other news, apparently women sing better than men. on american idol last night, the women had way better voices, but didn't have the same kind of personalities, at least the same kind of obvious personalities. also, they tell the women every year -- don't try to sing aretha, don't try to sing celine, don't try to sing whitney, unless you can REALLY do it (and it's the rare women that can REALLY do it). but we had 2 celine songs, 4 arethas...c'mon!


my two favorite women: the shy ladies who are nervous even though they're awesome. melinda, on the right, is a former background singer who should really be a front-ground singer, and lakeisha, on the left, is a single mom who works for a bank. she pulled out "and i am telling you," which made me roll my eyes, because it's kind of obvious, but she's sweet.





the two "hipster women": both of these ladies i want to like, because they're different and have their own style and are not really in the conventional pretty-idol-girl mold, but i was disappointed in both of them. gina, on the left, totally didn't hit the right note on the BIG note of the song and then tried to play like Simon was wrong and she did hit it and like she was proud of something that made me wince (the picture is of her NOT hitting the note). leslie has a rock-ska vibe, but she sang aretha, which seemed mismatched (but look at her dress! and the boots! LOVE.).


the other women are kind of forgettable with their wavy hair and skinny jeans. also of note: ryan seacrest is really short, or this is a particularly tall crop of women:

news, more news, and american idol

news: this was not in the plans, but sometimes God decides to answer prayers more quickly than scheduled, and i will most likely be moving into a studio apt mid-march. it's super cute, definitely not too small, and only 500 per month WITH utilities. um, yeah. pretty unheard in boston, at least from what i've been looking at.

more news: i don't have any more news, it just made the title flow better. i prefer sound over accuracy.

american idol: i love this show. is that bad? plus now my parents have TiVo so i won't miss it. even when i move out i'm TiVoing shows and coming over to watch them. what? i could do without all the filler but i really like hearing everyone sing. here are my favorites (and saying this will probably jinx them, so don't get used to them):

chris sligh: the token "i don't look like an idol" contestant. he sings AWESOMELY, and he's snarky, which is always good. last night he made a dig at Simon that was way better than the usual "well, blah blah i think i was awesome, blah blah wait to see what america says blah," proven by the fact that Simon was silenced and thereafter grumpier than usual.







blake lewis: the beatboxer. i just like it that he beatboxes. and so frickin' well. he can sing too, not as awesomely as chris, but not too shabby.













a.j. tablado: just fun. sang well without seeming nervous, and bounced around dancing without it looking forced. this is also his FIFTH time at Idol. so he's determined. and look at his little popped up collar!









sanjaya malakar: ok. i admit it. me liking him has very little to do with the fact that he can sing, although he can, and rivals chris with awesomeness. it has more to do with the fact that his smile takes up his whole face and when he found out he was put through and his sister (who he auditioned with) was cut he immediately went to go find her and gave her a huge hug and definitely had his moment dampened by the fact that his sister wouldn't be with him and he CRIED. and then i almost cried.





nick pedro: really nervous. didn't sound that great. and wearing a typical boy-in-a-bar-on-a-saturday-night outfit. but he's from taunton, MA! and he looks like...someone i know...can't think...oh!...lachey brother who's not nick! drew! i don't know why i knew that. but see for yourself-->. i'm not supporting him because he looks like drew lachey. more because he has a boston accent and he seems like he doesn't know what the heck happened to him and why he's on stage in front of a million people.






the rest of the guys i think are ok, but i checked my email which i was watching them. no one really hurt my ears (much). i do like that paul kim is such a strong singer, because i don't know if they've ever had an asian male in the top 24 (but i could be totally wrong), so the fact that he and sanjaya (who i think is east indian) are still in is cool to me. i don't get his barefootedness, though, or the fact that he did hip hop gestures to a George Michael song.

stay tuned for the assessment of the women tomorrow.

the fight for feminism, 3 year old style.

today my parents and i did some emergency babysitting for a family at our church, 2 boys, 10 and 9, and a girl, 3. i had the idea that we would all make monkey bread, which is a fun dessert to make, takes more time than a cake, tastes really good, and was always popular at the after school program i worked at.

the little girl was the only one that wanted to help make the monkey bread, mostly because the boys were in my dad's model train room, which i will admit is pretty cool, and she, at first, wasn't interested in that. so while we were making it we had this conversation.

LG [little girl]: the girls are cooking and the boys are playing.
me: [thinking] teachable moment! teachable moment! say something that makes her forget stereotypes forever!
LG: [after my prolonged anxiety ridden silence] girls cook and boys play.
me: well, not all the time. there are boys who like cooking too.
LG: and sometimes i play because i'm little.
me: that's right.
LG: but mostly girls cook.
me: well, sometimes, uh, there are, um, well, boys...
LG: i'm just kidding
me: you're just kidding?
LG: i can spell "on". O-N.

and that was it. but it made me think about how i will do things and what i will say when i become a mom. my parents didn't really do anything to debunk male-female stereotypes (but didn't go overboard to support them, either -- although i did get roses on my wallpaper when i asked for trucks) and yet, here i am, a feminist. i wonder if there are parents out there who did work to debunk the stereotypes who now have children who support them. food for thought.

i prefer captain blunder and the awkward silences.

let it be known: i disagree with this assessment. but i guess most of my answers (like, i don't seek revenge, i do care if my actions hurt innocent bystanders) don't really qualify me as a supervillian anyway.

Your results:
You are Mystique

Mystique 44% The Joker 40% Poison Ivy 39% Magneto 37% Apocalypse 33% Dr. Doom 31% Lex Luthor 31% Riddler 30% Dark Phoenix 28% Mr. Freeze 25% Catwoman 23% Venom 21% Green Goblin 12% Juggernaut 12% Two-Face 12% Kingpin 7%

Sometimes motherly, sometimes a beautiful companion, but most of the time a deceiving vixen.

Click here to take the "Which Super Villain are you?" quiz...

a word about love from dr. quinn medicine woman

I am reminded of a story. It seems a young frog was trying to win the heart of a porcupine. His father said to him, "My son, how can you fall in love with a porcupine?" The young frog replied, "The skunk would not have me."

happy valentine's day, playas.

don't call me july 21

that's right, it's pre-ordered.

working woman

ok, before i get started on this, i just have to say that some weird (and some slightly offensive) crap can pop up when you google "working woman." i was thisclose to putting up a picture of Maid Barbie, just for irony's sake, but i couldn't do it. sorry, irony!

so no picture for this post. but this exciting news: i got a job! i will be working part time (with hopes to move to full time by sept. or next jan.) as a youth pastor at a great (multicultural, socially concious) church with great kids. i will have 4 weeks vacation, full health (now i can get sick or break my leg or something), and the chance to preach (with extra pay so it won't interfere with my youth work hours).

next step: apartments!

this may earn me a lecture...

so this past week i had a friend staying with me.

a friend who wanted to see all the historicity boston has to offer.

so i did some things for the first time:
the freedom trail (YES, i know. i am from boston. i have seen almost all of the things on the freedom trail separately, on their own. i have never, however, seen them while sticking religiously to the red line.) we actually only made it half way through because it was so frickin' cold and my friend was only in a fleece. i was frozen in my sleeping bag (coat) so it must have sucked for him.

*side note: i never get tired of looking at old gravestones. which i realized there are a LOT of in boston and surrounding areas. does this make me weird? in concord there's an old graveyard with a gravestone of a slave who bought his own freedom, written by an abolitionist lawyer. it's pretty interesting. google "john jack" and concord.

walden pond (YES, i know. i am a writer and an english major). did you know thoreau's little walden spot was only a half-hour walk from his parents' house? i bet he went home for laundry and dinner all the time. (just kidding, henry!)

the maine coastal route. to get to colby i usually just shot up 95, but we took this way up to freeport. there are pretty points, but it doesn't really hug the coastline the way route 1 in CA does, and it's kind of hard to follow (does a lot of twists and turns in small towns and i got lost, of course).

other things we saw (but weren't firsts for me): boston's north end, salem witch/wax museum, l.l. bean, emack & bolio's, my church.

you had a bad day...

so saturday, which in many senses was very nice because i had a nice morning retreat time with fellow seminary-finishers, saw one friend got married, had a great dinner (at the reception), and got to go to a nice lounge on the south loop with another friend.

however, in the midst of this niceness:
1. at the retreat, after checking my voicemail, had my phone inexplicably die. just die. go black. button pushing did nothing. plugging in did nothing. it wasn't low on battery, just died. today, the verizon lady taught me when your phone inexplicably dies, all you have to do it take out the battery and put it back in again. voila! of course i didn't know that, and so was phoneless for a day and a half, which is much more crippling than it might initially seem, especially when you drive a total of 150 miles in two days and your favorite thing to do is talk on the phone while driving. and you get lost and want to call people for directions or to say you will be late. and you are trying to sell your mattress on craigslist and told the seller guy to call you today.

2. i had to leave the retreat early to get to the wedding, and decided last minute to borrow a friend's skirt, instead of wearing the pants i wore to all my interviews (i was kind of at a wardrobe loss, as i didn't get invited to the wedding until the last minute, and most of my nice clothes are now in boston). so i had to stop for lotion and nylons. but i didn't look closely enough at the nylons at target, and when i checked out the total was $17. out rageous! i thought, but decided to heck with it and went into the bathroom so i didn't waste any more time. however, the nylons were so outrageously priced because they were not in fact nylons, but special stomach and thigh tucking-in thingies. so i had to go back and get ACTUAL nylons, and then put them on.

3. because of shoddy googlemaps directions, arrived late to the wedding. if you know my directional abilities, you might be tempted to blame this on me, but really, googlemaps told me to go left when i should have gone right. is it my fault i didn't figure this mistake out quickly and instead drove 20 minutes in the wrong direction? perhaps.

4. at wedding, attempts to take pictures were thwarted by dead camera battery.

5. rushing out of wedding, late to meet my friend whose house i am crashing at, i am pulled over in glen ellyn, IL, and get a speeding ticket. for $75. my sister somehow manages to get out of ALL her speeding tickets. i've gotten one straight up warning, one slightly sketchy warning tainted by racism ( long story from college), and three tickets. they never even talk to me. i never get a chance to flick my hair or bat my eyelashes or cry (none of which i could do successfully anyway). i cannot call my waiting friend and tell her of my lateness because of the dead phone and the lack of knowledge of the taking out and putting back in battery move.

as i was pulling away from my pulled over spot, i turned my radio back on and heard...
"you had a bad day, ba da da da da"

seriously what does the rest of that song say? in my head i sing, "you had a bad day, you're taking one down, take a sad song and you turn it around..." is that how it goes?

so what does that say about me?

Today on Whose Wedding Is It Anyway, from a wedding coordinator who had to play the part of the minister for the rehearsal: "So I'm now the minister... although I'm not old and bald."

day four of chi-town vacay

so i've been in chicago 4 days. the first full day i was here, i had 5 interviews in a row with the superintendents from my denomination. 30 minutes each, one of me versus three of them.

i've always thought i'm not that great of an interviewee. sometimes i do (or say) things that make people go "you did (or said) THAT in an interview?" nothing truly awful, like deciding i feel a dance coming on or anything, but fidgeting too much (because i am a natural fidgeter) or saying i'm disorganized or that i dislike administration (you're supposed to phrase it more positively, like "i am so ambitious in my ideas and creative in my mind that it's difficult at times to contain all the excitement i feel in a neat stack of paperwork").

but the superintendents were very positive and affirming and it was all in all a good experience. but EXHAUSTING. i fell asleep at like 7.

next step: selling my mattress and box spring on craigslist.

b plans & balloons

so, i'm invited to the inaugural ball for the new massachusetts governer, deval patrick. i'm not particularly special (as far as this occasion goes, anyway). he invited everyone, provided you bring 50 bucks and a pair of socks for impoverished children. if i didn't have plans i would wear the outfit i wore to torgo's wedding, which is the only thing i have that can classify as black tie, and is a smashing ensemble, if i do say so myself. if my plans fall through, however, i'm totally there. anyway, i think it's great he flung wide the doors. i can't help it, i like this guy already.




in other massachusetts news, it looks like the amendment to ban gay marraige will be on the ballot for 2008. i had to drive my mother downtown early this week, and i drove past the state house and right in between the two groups of protestors. by the anti-gay-marriage people was a big orange balloon that said "JESUS IS LORD." now, i'm down with the balloon. i believe it. i say it. i'm a few months away from officially being a pastor, for goodness sakes. my problem is connecting the balloon to that side of the argument, like attaching God's blessing to a pointless war. as far as i'm concerned the balloon should be floating up in the middle, covering both sides.

one of my seminary professors has a bumper sticker that says "God bless the whole world, no exceptions." that i can get behind.

cuz today, i'm cleaning out my closet

or my mom's closet.

4 or 5 hours, and we only did the front half.

some key findings:
old art portfolios. proof positive that i am an irredeemable pack rat. i found this old gessoed picture of some japanese fish that i HATED. hated making it, hated how it looked, hated that my parents put it up on the wall, told my sister i hated it when she held it up, and STILL had a hard time throwing it away.

a whole box of my sister's old school stuff, cards, etc. two great language arts sentences from her, age 11 (vocab words bolded):
1. Will you probe my case?
2. The Red Sox will vie with the Mets to see who will win the Super Bowl.
also learned from language arts folder: my sister didn't think her name fit her...she would have preferred Joni Marie.

other great finds from my sister's old stuff: a valentine's card from second grade from a "J.J." it was a super cute little kitten that said "you'd be a Purr-fect Valentine" with a hand written addendum "not for me."

also: a card from my grandmother, my father's mother, written after she talked to the two of us on the phone, a long long time ago. she made reference to me saying hello and saying some things "in [my] own language." we also saw on other cards her progression into dementia -- she went from writing long notes in cursive to signing her name in six-year-old scrawl to having my aunt sign for her. she died when i was ten, and wasn't with it for a long time before that, so i don't remember her vibrant, clever, and happy, how she was in this card.

also: several cards from me, including an original valentine poem. the cards were always well chosen like: "sweet...compassionate...caring" (outside) "but enough about my teddy bear! it's YOUR birthday." (inside) when i showed her, she said "yeah, you were always weird."

christmas, duh.

so i've been into this whole conscious-consuming thing for a while now...trying to be responsible about how you spend your money and where your food and clothing comes from. to try to be a 100% conscious consumer is like beating your head against a wall, though. if you buy something that's good for the environment, you might be buying it from a store that doesn't treat its employees well. if you are buying something from a store with good labor practices, you might be supporting advertising that looks creepily like underage porn (see: American Apparel). if you are buying something from a store that has great labor practices, great advertising, great environmental policies, you are either paying through the nose (as with food -- don't get me started on fair trade hot chocolate), or settling for the boring (as with clothes -- plain t-shirts for everyone! all the time!)

anyway, i'm doing my best, but christmas has thrown another wrench in the works.

i kept under my budget of $20 (each) for friends and family, and was even under for most of them, and for many was able to get something i really think they'll appreciate, but there's also an awful lot of buying just to buy, just to have something to wrap. and all my conscious consuming went out the window.

my goal for next year: periodically add to a list of responsible and personal gift ideas, within a budget. anyone want to help me start?

conversation between me and my mother

mother turns on QVC

"wouldn't you like that?"
"no, mom."
"a black shoulder bag?"
"no, mom."
"look at all the compartments!"
"no, mom."
"are you sure?"
"mom, repeat after me. i will never..."
"i will never"
"ever"
"ever"
"buy anything for my daughter"
"buy anything for my daughter"
"on QVC"
"on QVC"
"or"
"or"
"Home Shopping Network"
(disgusted look) "i NEVER shop on Home Shopping Network!"

movin' on east

t-minus 4 hours, before i'm on that jet plane and headed for the coast.

so this leaving business does not seem real. i'll be back in january for about 10 days, and then i'll see many people at our denomination's big ministerial conference, so i don't think it's going to REALLY hit me until February, when everyone's in classes and i'm...doing whatever it is i'll be doing.

the thing about being at seminary is that it is like college, but more adult. so you're surrounded by friends (like college) but you live in your own apartment (unlike college, for me at least). and (generally) people are more mature, have had some experiences, are independent. and you can sit around in the lounge at school talking about church and theology and feminism andmaking jokes that only seminarians think are funny, and it's just kind of awesome. but you know from the beginning it's not permanent. i don't really know what i'm saying here. i'm waxing nostalgic. it's like 6:30 in the morning.

also, in January i'm driving the majority of my stuff back. i was planning to pack up most of my clothes to bring home on the plane, but i underestimated the amount of clothes i have, so there is a great deal of clothing left in my apartment. in addition, i'm really worried about the capacity of my little Honda to fit all my stuff (actually, there's no frickin' WAY my Honda will fit all my stuff -- and i don't even have that much). i don't have a trailer hitch either so that's not an option. i just had the brilliant idea that i should have driven a bunch home, flown back in Jan., then rented an SUV to drive back the rest (like, the larger stuff), but too late for that now. maybe i'll leave stuff and exact that plan in may when i have to come back to graduate. or in march maybe i'll fly out for a visit and then drive stuff back.

t minus 3 hours and a half. see you all in boston.

t-minus 3 days (in half an hour that is)

you know it's finals season when i start posting more. it's 11:30, i'm halfway through a paper due at 10 in the morning.

it's that incapability of getting things done early thing. two days ago i stayed up until 4 with a friend writing a paper that i care about far less than this one.

i have nothing else to say. time to check my email.

t-minus 4 days (or: my weakness for surveys)

1. The phone rings who do you want it to be?
someone who knows how to punctuate properly

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
i'm a nerd like that. if i decide i don't want something i also will never just leave it on a random shelf. i always put it back where it goes.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener?
if i know people and feel comfortable i talk away. if i don't know people i sit in a corner and think "be less awkward! be less awkward!" but that never usually works.

4. Do you take compliments well?
i'm getting better. i like to explain them away. example:
person: you look nice.
me: i had to totally fight with my hair this morning. i got my pants for five dollars. i'm really wearing a mask. STOP LOOKING AT ME!

5. Are you an active person?:
i'm more passive aggressive.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
define "wilderness." and "survive." and "alone."

7. Do you like to ride horses?
yes. but i don't get to much. my parents wouldn't let me have a horse to keep in the basement, the cheapskates.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
yeah. 3. loved 2, hated 1.

9.what was you favorite game(s) as a kid?
playing pretend.

10. Are you judgmental?
another thing i'm working on.

11. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?
i COULD. i COULD do anything. i don't think i WOULD though. my faith is my life, so that'd be hard.

12. Use three words to describe yourself.
nerd yet hot. =)

13. If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
deaf.

14. Are you continuing your education?
yes. but i'm almost done.

15. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
um...i have only held a real gun shooting skeet in alaska. i was good at it, for unknown reasons. the people i was with were like "it's cuz you're from the big mean city!" but that's not it. anyway, i hate guns, so even though i have this amazing hidden talent, i probably won't be cultivating it anytime soon.

16. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
my computer -- to save pictures, poetry, sermons, music etc.

17. How often do you read books?
all the freakin' TIME.

18. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
um. um. um. all of them i guess.

19. What is your favorite children's book?
a wrinkle in time. or alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. or on the day you were born. (torgo, do you have that one?)

20. What are you listening to?
janet jackson on pandora.com

21. How tall are you?
5' 10"

22. Where is your ideal house located?
somewhere where i can walk everyplace i need to go and my friends are close enough to come over all the time.

23. Who are your best friend(s)?
i don't like superlatives. i have plenty of awesome friends.

24. Last person you talked to?
caroline (i'm doing this at work...shhh!)

25. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth?
only when i stick my head in on other people.

26. When was the last time you ate at Olive Garden?
uh...last semester.

27. What are your keys on your key chain for?
my apartment, my car, my first car (that is in Camden now, but i still have the key), the club my father insists i put on my THIRTEEN YEAR OLD CAR just in case someone says "i feel like stealing a crappy old car today!" also the keys to my parents' house in boston and my research room in the library.

28. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?:
the library

29. Where is your current pain?
i feel pretty good, actually

30. Do you like mustard?
yes. but not as much as mayonnaise.

31. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?:
eat, fo' sure

32. Do you look like your mom or dad?
um, both i think. isn't that how it works? i have my dad's evil eyebrows and crooked teeth and my mom's irrational hair.

33. How long does it take you in the shower?:
10 minutes, or less if i'm in a hurry.

34. Can you do splits?
i can do BANANA splits. heh heh.

35. What movie do you want to see right now?
whale rider. i borrowed it and it's just sitting in my house.

36. Do you put lotion on your dogs or cats?
no, but once my sister squirted her cat with water and she (the cat, not my sister) fell off the counter and fractured her leg. i'm just saying.

37. What did you do for New Year's?
i saved this girl's life! i was out with my friends and we were in the bathroom line and she passed out and i caught her. super xtina!

38. Do you think The Grudge was scary?
i think YOUR FACE is scary.

39. What was the cause of your last accident?
me. running a stop sign into a truck.

40. What are you drinking?
my saliva

41.Was your mom a cheerleader?
no. but she was really sweet

42. What's the last letter of your middle name?
e

43. Who did you vote for on American Idol?
nobody last time, but i have voted in the past. i can't remember who. the people i vote for never win. my life SUCKS!

44. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
6-7

45. Do you like care bears?
only if they get a nerdy bear.

46. What do you buy at the movies?
i usually sneak in candy. sometimes if i'm feeling special, or if someone else is buying, i'll get some popcorn

47. Do you know how to play poker?
yup. i'm not a good bluffer though. or am i?

48. Do you wear your seatbelt?
yes! everyone should.

49. What do you wear to sleep?
sweatpants or shorts and a t-shirt or tank top usually.

50. Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
dude, i'm from boston. c'mon. ever heard of paul revere? john hancock? sam adams? yeah.

51. How many meals do you eat a day?
at least 3. i try to be disciplined about my food.

52. What do you think says the most about a person on their myspace page?
people's comments about them.

53. Ever been to LA?
no

54. Did you eat a cookie today?
not yet.

55. Do you use cuss words in other languages?
i don't swear at all.

56. Do you steal or pay for your music downlownds?
pay of course. ethics, my friends!

57. Do you hate chocolate?
i LOVE chocolate.

58. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
money.

59. Are you a gullible person?
i pretend i'm not but i totally am.

60. Do you need a boyfriend to be happy?
gosh, i hope not.

61. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be?
a broadway star.

62. Are you easy to get along with?
pretty much.

63. What is your favorite time of day?
morning.

t-minus 5 days

monday night the seminary had a christmas party with a gingerbread house contest and we (a team of my roomate, my friend and i) won an honorable mention for "house best representing today's culture." we built a lost themed house.

(it's actually eko's church, had it been completed before the black smoke got to him.)

the rear view

the polar bear cave (note one of the polar bears is dead)

tree (with coconuts)

fire, Jin's net/the raft, whichever way your imagination takes you.

what Bernard was trying to do, and could have succeeded at, if he didn't get so pissy.

the last days.

warning: all posts for the next week or so will probably be overly sentimental and nostalgic.

so, over the next week i will be attending my last classes in seminary EVER.

(until my doctorate, of course)

transition is always bittersweet for me -- saying goodbye, resettling myself. i'm not great at goodbyes, because i'm not great at telling people how i feel about them. it's strange, if i offer to give someone a long hug, i probably won't miss them that much, but if i try to run away with a quick, tight, smile and a short nod and they have to tackle me to say a proper goodbye, i am going to miss them more than i want to admit. (this isn't always a definitive rule of thumb, but it is true that the more someone means to me the harder it is for me to express it...How to Cure Emotional Stuntedness is not one of the courses my seminary offers).

anyway, in addition to my own processing, people keep coming up and going, "one more week, aren't you SAD?"

a resolution on pedestrians when it is very cold (or, an ode to foster ave.)

(after joe s.)

WHEREAS, it is right now approx. 3 degrees or less in Chicago, with a wind chill factor of exactly a lot, making it, shall we say, FUH-REEZING.

WHEREAS, my coat looks like a sleeping bag but is still only a coat and therefore not heated.

WHEREAS, if you are in a car, you are first, protected from the wind, and second, most likely heated. it follows that you are therefore warmer than me or any other pedestrian.

WHEREAS, i'm in the crosswalk, fergoshsakes. i'm being a good citizen!

WHEREAS, you have a red light so you will have to stop soon anyway. even if you have a green light, nowhere you have to go is that important.

MAY IT HITHERTOFORENOWSOTHERE BE RESOLVED, that when i am standing and shivering on the side of the road, you should let me cross, not drive past me. please?

more fun with tunes.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

NO CHEATING...(i only cheated once, to skip a song i hadn't even put on my computer)


What does next year have in store for me?
are you that somebody? --aaliyah

What does your love life look like?
stop in the name of love --the supremes

What do I say when life gets hard?
i'm on my way --proclaimers

What do I think when I get up in the morning?
she --the monkees

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
love overflowing --sandtown children's choir

What do you want as a career?
dance --nas (well, that's appropriate)

Your favorite saying
black or white --michael jackson

Favorite place?
brown eyed girl --van morrison

What do you think of your parents?
mary, mary --monkees (hey, mary's my mom's real first name! kooky!)

Where would you go on a first date?
better man --pearl jam (heh.)

Drug of choice?
the locomotion --little eva

Describe yourself:
prolouge (little shop of horrors) --from the musical (obviously. and i think i take offense at this)

What is the thing I like doing most?
crazy --gnarls barkley

The song that best describes the president?
man in the mirror --michael jackson (let's pause for a moment and consider the implications of this)

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
this is my world --hootie & the blowfish

How will I die?
can't give up now --mary mary

The song you'll put as the subject?
part of me --sandtown children's choir

accentuate the positive

i could be posting about this crazy fool <--, but after watching his rampage, the whole thing just makes me feel gross, so i'm not going to.





INSTEAD, i'm going to talk about this dude -->, who i decided i love. i don't know tons about the story, but from what i've read so far, it appears he is selling shoes and athletic gear, good quality stuff, for $15 dollars or less per item, even the stuff that is most top of the line. just to provide people who might otherwise break the bank to buy sneakers with affordable merchandise. people, this is profound. amazing. this man is thinking about OTHER HUMANS, not about money! this man is selling something and not trying to turn as large a profit as possible (because, c'mon, he probably doesn't need the money) but rather trying to HELP SOMEONE ELSE. he is operating a business, but NOT THINKING capitalistically.
tell me if i'm being too optimistic, but marbury gives me some hope for the world. i just want to give him a hug.

right now

in the middle, nay, the beginning of october, it is SNOWING in chicago. you know what that means? we're just a hope skip and a jump away from this:

AWESOMENESS

tonight on lost they both referenced and SHOWED the final out of the 2004 world series. the world series that the red sox, the beleagured supposedly cursed red sox, WON, with the GREATEST baseball comeback in history.

i watched that final out with my hands cupped over my face, hoping it was true but thinking it was possible that something could be flubbed and the spell would be broken and we would lose. but we didn't, and we WON!

and then, two years later, it's replayed on our favorite show. well, one of them. and my roomate and i totally had a min-re-celebration.

tasted good, but it sho' was ugly.

the ravioli

this squash ravioli is quite possibly the weirdest looking thing i have ever made. ever.

i don't know why i think it's a good idea to cook something i've never cooked before when people are coming over.

i don't think it tastes bad. people just may be too scared of it to eat it.

i will post pictures later.

cross your fingers

tonight i made squash ravioli.

squash from the vegetable box, which this week also contained sun choke, whatever that is, and green tomatoes (which i think i will fry).

so i baked the squash, added some butter & brown sugar, put them on won ton wrappers, folded them up, tossed them in the freezer for tomorrow.

i'm serving them to some peeps coming over for dinner, so i hope this is not like the million other times i've tried something ambitious when people are coming over instead of just sticking to something i know, like scrambled eggs.

anyway, stay tuned.

torgo, you know what to do.

1. What does your MySpace headline mean? My roomate has an action figure that says it. I'm like a Borg. You cannot resist me.


2. Elaborate on your default photo. Me at my friend's birthday party last year.


3. What'd you do last night? Watched Grey's Anatomy with some ladies. Watched Project Runway after the ladies left. Ate a chocolate chip pizza.


4. What is your current relationship status? Single, ready to mingle


5. What are you wearing right now? T-shirt, jeans, sweater, socks, studded belt.


6. What is your current problem? Having to write a long paper for next week. Not a huge deal.


7. What do you love most? These questions are too vague. I need more structure. This answer could be Jesus, cheesecake, or the Princess Bride, depending...


8. Who makes you most happy? Plenty of people make me really happy.


9. Are you musically talented? Um, I used to play the clarinet. And the piano. I can read music if you give me like a minute a note.


10. If you could go back in time, and change one thing, what would you change? I would still play the clarinet. Probably other important stuff, but nothing I can think of or want to share now.


11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day-what would you be? Horse. I'd just, you know, run around.


12. Ever have a near death experience? No


13. Can you dance? Can _I_ dance? Can a fish swim? Can a bird fly?


14. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now? Theme from the Princess Bride, which I just watched: "come my love, I'll tell you a tale..."


15. Who did you copy and paste this from? Jessy!


16. Name someone with the same b-day as you: No idea.


17. Have you ever egged someone's house? No, but once I helped clean eggs off of someone's car. Don't egg, kids.


18. Have you ever been in a fist fight? No, I am very peaceful


19. Have you ever sung in front of a big audience? By myself, no.


20. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex? If they make faces at babies. If there are no babies around, well, I don't know what to do.


21. What do you usually order from Starbucks? If I go to Starbucks (which I don't usually), I get a White Chocolate Mocha.


22. Do you have a crush on one of your myspace friends? No, but I think most of them are pretty cute.


22. Do you have a crush on someone? I just wrote Johnny Depp my third fan letter of the week. Kidding, people.


23. Ever had a drunken night in Mexico? Never been to Mexico. Never been drunk actually. But...usually I stay up until 11 or 12!


24. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? When I was a preteen at camp, Keifer Sutherland (I know, I don't get it either. If you squint we maybe look like 2nd cousins). Also, Michelle Pfeiffer.


25. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows? Yes


26. Did you have braces? Nope


27. Are you comfortable with your height? I wish I was a little shorter or most men were a little taller. Actually I'm fine with myself. Taller men is what I would be more comfortable with.


28. Has anyone ever done something for you? Ever? In my life? Yes. Ask a vague question, get a vague answer.


29. Do you know any other languages? Un poquito espanol. Also, working on Greek and Hebrew.


30. What's your favorite smell? Onions cooking? I don't know. Not flowers.


31. How tall are you barefoot? Huge. Gigantic. 5'10"


32. Have you ever smoked heroin? No


33. Do you own a gun? No. Peaceful, remember?


34. Who's your best friend? Myspace Tom


35. What do you think of hot dogs? Competitive eating takes all the fun out of them.


36. What's your favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night


37. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee/Tea


38. Do you do push-ups? Weird. No. But when I was little I used to show off my strength by picking up chairs.


39. Have you ever been out of the country? Yes


40. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I wear the cross my friend got me in Mexico pretty much every day.


41. Do you like painkillers? This is a stupid question. Yes. Yes, I like painkillers. I like them so much I want to marry them.

42. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
my sparkling wit, breathtaking beauty, and angelic goodness.


43. Do you own a knife? I actually don't think so -- I use my roomates' knives a lot though (kitchen, not like machetes)


44. Do you have A.D.D.? No. And I'm not down with O.P.P., wouldn't like to C.U.P., always talk to the G.O.D. (OK, I'll S.T.O.P.)


45. Middle Name? Marie


46. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? "My head kinda hurts"
"This is taking longer than 15 minutes" "I hope no one comes in and sees me doing a myspace survey"


47. Name the last 3 things you have bought today: stuff for a care package, dinner at the "Golden Angel Pancake House," corn muffin mix for a potluck at church on Sunday


49. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coffee, water, tea


50. What time did you wake up today? 8:52 AM -- two hours AFTER what my alarm was set for. Whoops.


51. Current worry? getting all my school work done this weekend


52. Current hate? I don't hate, I articulate, congratulate, enunciate, illuminate, refrigerate!


53. Favorite place to be? With fun peeps.


54. Least favorite place to be? Uh...today & yesterday in stupid Chicago never-moving side street traffic

cooking from scratch, y'all

so last semester i signed up to get a share in this locally-grown, organic vegetable box and let me just say this:

it is stretching me. i have to find uses for squash, copious amounts of tomatos, leek, kale, all kinds of crazy stuff i would not normally buy.

remember how i was freaking out about the crockpot? yesterday, i made spaghetti sauce from scratch. SCRATCH, people. this is serious.

it turned out well. i simmered away a lot of the sauce because i had the heat up too high, but i made it, and it was good, and cheaper than regular sauce (i think -- in the long run -- maybe not -- the math is too much for my head). and it used wine! crazy.

my roomates made fun of me for my fanatical measuring, and the fact that i was shaking the salt into the teaspoon, as opposed to directly into the sauce. "it says 1 tsp!" i protested, but they just shook their heads at me.

also, i made potato leek soup, which was yummy. this time i'm going to try it with half and half instead of heavy whipping cream so i don't gain a bajillion pounds just by looking at it.

also, i have three little squashes that a friend recommended i make squash ravioli with. i'm a little hesitant but i may try it this weekend. stay tuned.

procrastination. it's what i do.

today i had a meeting with my thesis advisor about my thesis. i had read some before, and although i had thought and thought and thought, i would open my computer, stare at the little blinking cursor on the blank, blank screen, shrug, and start surfing the net. i met with him at 8:30 this morning. i typed the last line of my full proposal (basic idea, because i know you want to know: a theology of motherhood that is informed by and beneficial to mothers in the inner city) at 8:11.

my stuff gets done. it always gets done. i have never turned in an assignment late (without permission at least, but even then it's rare). i just am INCAPABLE of starting anything early. i thought before that i WAS capable, i just didn't want to, but now i actually think i am quite literally incapable. literally in the authentic sense, not in the "she was literally 3 times my height!" sense.

this may not bode well for a 100 page paper, or, as my advisor put it, "a small book"

the thing about blogging once you've abandoned your blog for a while is there's all this angst attached to it. like, do i apologize profusely? do i pretend like nothing happened? do i lie and say i tried to blog but my computer's been funny and i couldn't get through and didn't you get my voicemail? huh. weird. i swear i called...

so....
i'm in chicago. this has been birthday week. i threw a birthday party for myself on Friday and danced until my sweat make my mascara run. and then danced some more. for those of you who are scratching your head, yes my birthday is in July, but i was one of those kids who always wanted to bring in cupcakes to school or have my friends wrap up my locker in birthday paper, but it never happened. so i threw my own birthday-at-school party.

plus friday was my sisters birthday, monday was friend #1's birthday, today is roomate's birthday -- it never ends!

this is a sucky return to blogging post. but i'm angst ridden. i don't know what else to do. i'm just listening to the cries of the masses. look what you've brought me to.

in the meantime, everyone, see little miss sunshine. tune in to the premiere of grey's anatomy. read some lucille clifton (she's my favorite). cross your fingers and hope that by 8:30 tomorrow morning i have some concrete question for my thesis.

annabelle? thinking?

i keep all of my earrings, large and small (for those of you at NPTS, yes, i do have small earrings) in a shallow dish on my dresser.

in keeping with the "knocking crap off" thing, annabelle walked across my dresser, put her foot in the dish, and knocked all of my earrings into my open dresser drawer, where i then had to fish them out from amongst all my pants, shorts, and capris.

i said "annabelle! you knocked all my earrings off."

she looked up at me, with a certain sort of cat look. i can think of all sorts of things she might be thinking, but i want to turn it over to you, my faithful (one or two) blog readers. what was she thinking? what would she say?

annabelle wrecks the house

one day i was letting this girl drive my car. 21, practicing for her driver's exam. she worked with me at emack & bolio's. she was trying to do a three point turn (in my car) while smoking (in my car), hit the curb (in my car) and came dangerously close to a stone wall (in my car). "they will fail you for that." i said.

"really?" she said, all wide eyed, actually surprised that she would be failed for hitting the very object you are avoiding in a three point turn.

"yes. really." i said.

i decided to take her far from busy streets and obnoxious leaping stone walls that come out of no where, so we were driving some back roads of hyde park, and we came upon little kids and a box of kittens. (p.s. i am realizing the irony of all this -- that i take this girl far from anywhere she can hit a curb or a stone wall but in close vicinity to kittens and little kids -- don't worry, i get it.)

she somehow convinced me to call my sister and convince my sister to get this little orange white and gray kitten, which is annabelle. who is now in my house because my sister is at a wedding in the poconos.

annabelle is very cute. but she knocks crap over. she sticks her face in my food. she's not mellow. when she knocks crap over she looks down at it like "well, that's less crap i have to deal with when i walk across this mantle." she gets pissed when we replace the crap. she has a vendetta against my dad, and if i'm sitting on the couch, and he stops in the door way, she'll go from nuzzling my foot to leaping across the room, racing up the chair, and swiping at him.

my sister was trying to kick her of the habit of jumping up on the counter when she was little, and the vet said spray her, and when my sister sprayed her, annabelle was so startled she fell off the counter and sprained her leg...which i think makes me sister reluctant to try any new training techniques, which means when annabelle is scratching our antique (ok, old) sofa and we clap our hands and shout "hey. HEY!" she just pauses, stares, and continues. kind of like a little kid who's coloring on the wall, and you say "don't color on the wall!" and they pause and look at you as if trying to gauge what's really going to happen if they keep coloring. annabelle is not scared or intimidated by us at all anymore. we need supernanny or something, except for cats.

just for funsies

Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be.

1. Who was your best friend?
lisa, liz h, liz w, erica, thao were the main peeps

2. What sports did you play?
i think i had given up on all that by then

3. What kind of car did you drive?
sometimes erica would let me drive her dads car, without my license, but i drove like 2 miles an hour and once i ran over the grass in the emmanuel college parking lot (oops that was in sean's car), and i took a 17 point turn on cummins hwy to pick up andre holding up traffic for approximately 45 minutes.

4. It's Friday night, where were you at?
if erica had anything to do with it, nantasket beach.

5. Were you a party animal?
heh. no.

6. Were you a considered a flirt?
double heh. NO.

7. Ever skip school?
in fact, erica used to drop me off at school so i could go when the rest of them skipped.

8. Ever smoke?
no

9. Were you a nerd?
the definition of!

10. Did you get suspended/expelled?
what do you think?

11. Can you sing the Alma Mater?
da da da dah...um...FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT...uh.. dear old latin evermore!

12. Who was your favorite teacher?
mr. tarpey

13. Favorite class?
humanities

14. What was your school's full name?
Boston Latin School

15. School mascot?
a wolf

16. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
yeah

17. What do you remember most about graduation?
somebody's chair broke, i threw my hat up half an inch so i wouldn't lose it, my hair was way frizzy, thao had a supercute dress

18. Were you 18?
was i? i think

19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year?
oh, i don't know. that's too hard.

18. Were you ever posted up on the senior wall?
what's a senior wall?

19. Did you have a job your senior year?
whittemore's! cutting boxes, hauling supplies, all in a dress and nylons

20. Who did you date?
no one. but i got asked out for the first time!

21. Where did you go most often for lunch?
where we were allowed -- the school cafeteria

22. What did you do after graduation?
party hopped

23. When did you graduate?
june, 1996.

once there was this girl who used to blog

ok, see, the problem is twofold maybe

i have a lot of stories from the hospital that i'm not supposed to talk about.
i have a lot of stories that are semi-depressing/annoying that i don't WANT to talk about.

so here i am. looking at my blog grumbling.

a good thing: i had a birthday. i am now 28. i had a mad phat birthday bbq with just about 100 guests -- you really can count on church people!

another good thing. my awesome friend brad every once in a while comes across these great red sox tickets -- and the first time we used them this summer was at the rain delay suckface game that started with me in my dad's overcoat and ended with me cleaning out torgo's fridge. but THIS time, the day was clear, the red sox not only won, but were still in first place, and i got free popcorn (because i went to get brad's drink). anyhoo, i took a bunch of pics.

the one below is my closest player pic. hot to Trot right fielder. i also got a picture of Manny Delcarmen, newbie pitcher who grew up right down the street from me, and of Papelbon (the two of them running out from the bull pen, but i don't know which is which, so i decided against posting them. but unless one of them ran out and assumed the ready position in the field, i'm almost positive this is Nixon.


















i also had to throw in a pic of my boyfriend (Big Papi, David Ortiz, or Teezy, as i like to call him when we're going for one of our moonlit walks). this is an impossibly silly picture, as it's more of the fans and the light as it is of Teezy, but it's the best i could do. the ump is right in the way of our viewing homeplate, and although brad's mom (who gets the tickets and passes them along to her offspring) called to see if they could move him, whoever makes those ump-goes-there decisions was not swayed.

















this pic is of the crowd who went, high school peeps i've known forever and for some reason still like me (or hang out with me at least). this is seconds before "Wally," the Red Sox mascot comes trotting by.

from a long silence

she emerges.

it's the second day of july, which means there are a mere 25 days until my birthday. i hope you have been saving money for a care package. if you haven't, rest easy, there is still time.

my goals are not going THAT great -- CPE is proving more exhausting than previously thought. more exhausting is that i can't say anything about it -- rules and confidentiality and such -- but i'm bursting with stories.

this much i can tell you -- i spend my mornings singing to babies (who can't escape!) and talking with children being "assessed." the afternoons i stand awkwardly in doorways, visit in silence or incessant chatter or easy conversation. i try to listen with a "third ear" and hear with the heart of the spirit -- sometimes it works and i feel lifted and sometimes i exit as awkwardly as i entered, feeling disconnected and unaccomplished. the rest of my time we dissect these feelings of disconnect or accomplishment, we investigate in an atmosphere of religious openness where God is in all of it.

two things i like especially: i like having boundaries for ministry. i like realizing that CPE is just as much about learning about me as it is about ministering to patients. i like knowing that i have to, as one chaplain said, "hold the patients loosely," it keeps me aware of my own limitations.

i like the ecumenical and interfaith environment. there are 3 catholics, 4 protestants (Methodist, UCC, Episcopalian, and me), and 3 nonChristians (Jewish, UU, and undeclared, so to speak). growing up, i encountered few people who didn't fall into three categories for me: those who believed similarly to me, or those who didn't really believe, or those whose thoughts i never knew because they didn't talk about it. i appreciate talking to others who are passionate and invested, all of us hanging on to pieces of the thing that is Truth.

but, i have taken no pictures.
i stopped with the verses at my last on call (but will start again tonight)
exercise is still limited to walks to and from the T, walks up and down the hill to the children's hospital, opting for stairs at the hospital instead of elevator (it's something, but i can't really count it, because i'm not really CHOOSING it)
i finally finished Blindness by Jose Saramago, which i loved and would highly recommend. i may not have finished it in a week, but i read it pretty steadily, which is something.
i am still studiously ignoring thinking about my thesis.

i'll be back sooner next time.